Anyway, I sent Dark Daughta a few posts. One on the Keeper (still one of my proudest feminist and environmentalist statements), one on the UK’s new birth agenda (Maternity Matters), and two on female circumcision (Circumcision or Mutiliation? and Further Thoughts on FGM).

I was curious to see what Dark Daughta would think of them. Leave it to Dark Daughta to not only think about them, but to write an explosive 1000 word treatise as well. She picked my posts on female circumcision, of course, and then ran with them. Ran is a polite word for what she did. More like smacked the posts upside down, flipped them inside out, and then shook all of the loose change out of their pockets. She took everything I had thought after my first encounter with a circumcised woman, and all of the conclusions I had come to at that time (and this had involved a lot of thinking back then, trust me), and managed to turn all of those thoughts, all of those culminations of thought, absolutely, irrevocably, upside down. In the space of just one post. Leave it to Dark Daughta to challenge the hell out of you.

Just a few highlights, here:

Dear Student Midwife:I’m glad that you’re asking yourself questions about how best to proceed. …Maybe examining the culturally based and biased and ofttimes downright racist, response of many privileged feminists who were not born into cultures where genital circumcision is practiced might offer some much needed space inside which there might be less emotionally and politically charged room for a true examination of the issues.There is a power relation here. Are parents in western societies hunted down and denied access to safe male circumcision? Why is the WHO advocating for this procedure when there is a fast growing segment of the male population that is crying out against it?

When male circumcision of babies who can’t make the choice for themselves is enshrined as a part of at least major world religion, are health care practitioners strategizing about how best to stigmatize grown men who present penises that are mutilated? Are feminists of conscience refusing to sleep with men who are circumcized? Are we looking on them with pity and defining them as mutilated? Are we strategizing about how best to divest them of custodianship of their sons so that we can keep them safe from circumcision? Is anyone noticing that the actual side effects of male circumcision…besides those that go horribly wrong…are minimal because these surgeries are done by skilled practitioners in sterile settings?

I don’t agree with either kind of circumcision. But I can’t fail to notice that one is filled with shame and stigma heaped on those who experience it, while the other is thought of as a throwback that should be done away with but is still tolerated and executed in hospitals.

Being useful is definitely not going to include making any circumcized wimmin feel uncomfortable and on the spot about the decisions of their parents. So, labeling a woman’s cuts “mutilations” without checking to see what if anything she says about her own genitalia will go a long way to making a practitioner seem like a judge and not as someone a woman can potentially confide in or turn to.

Because really, the shock and the unfamiliarity with the view below is ours, not theirs. If we’re gonna pay lipservice to accepting the anatomy of the vulva, we’re going to need to work at really understanding and respecting that wimmin come in all sorts of configurations for all sorts of reasons.

This “who is civilized” and “who is babaric and uncivilized” binary split that serves the west/the north, giving our cultures a much needed oppressive ego boost needs to GO!

Yowsa. And those are just the highlights. I’d highly reccommend that you go and read the rest of the post, because she writes with so much passion and conviction, and has this incredible way of phrasing things in ways that I would never, ever think of.

Now, how do you respond to a post like that? I didn’t even know where to start. First I had to do a lot more thinking on the subject, which I’ve been doing for the past several days and nights. I wrote an e-mail response to her, which she published in last Sunday’s Reloaded V which started to flesh out some of my thoughts. And now I find myself here again, having done yet another 180 on the subject (my apologies for repeating some parts of my e-mail, but this is pretty much where my thinking is at right now).

I think Dark Daughta is right on a lot of counts. There is indeed an inherent racism/ oppression in a viewpoint which has decided to call one form of ritual cutting “mutilation” while at the same time leting so many other types of cutting fall under the category of “circumcision” or some other word, and therefore under the umbrella of cultural acceptability (male circumcision, labioplasty, clitoral hood piercing, episiotomy etc.). I can see how that is indeed our culture (and by that I mean western culture) taking its own viewpoint on what constitutes a healthy vulva and setting it forth as “right” and “correct” and that anyone else who does anything different to their vulva (especially something brutal or harmful and something we as a culture don’t fully understand) is therefore wrong and backwards and oppressed and brutalized by their own culture…and that this “mutilation” is therefore a form of violence against women. This viewpoint then lays the groundwork for our invasion of their culture; in other words, this viewpoint basically gives us permission to enter their culture and tell them what’s right and wrong, and that they have to stop this cultural practice. And many huge, big name organizations like UNICEF, the World Health Organization, the US Dept. of State, Amnesty International, USAID etc. etc. have all issued policies and statements which call for an end to this practice, and have programs or policies in place which exist to help educate and save these women from their fate.

Calling something “mutilation” implies, by its very nature, that those who are “mutilated” need to be saved. That makes sense, and I see that now, but I had never before thought of it in those terms. So further thinking on this is prompting me to start to refer to this ritual as “circumcision” again rather than “mutilation”. I do appreciate that my view of what constitutes a healthy vulva is certainly not everyone’s view, and who am I (or who are we?) to decide what is or is not the right kind of vulva? Why is labioplasty or clitoral hood piercing okay, while female circumcision is not? And what would happen if circumcision was done well, by medically-trained people using sterile instruments, sharp instruments, making clean, hygienic cuts? So many of the problems inherent in this practice comes from the scarring and infection which is secondary to the cuts themselves. If there was no scarring, if there was no infection, would the damage be less? As Dark Daughta pointed out, female sexuality stems from a lot more than the tiny nub of flesh which is the clitoris. If the clitoris is removed, but in a clean and precise manner, using sharp, sterilized instruments (rather than a rusty tin can or a piece of glass etc.), would women be able to retain a higher level of sexual functioning? I never, ever would have thought that an underground feminist movement to provide clean, hygienic, medically-trained female circumcisions is not that far off from what feminists were doing in the 70s with their underground abortion clinics to provide clean, hygienic, medically-trained abortions, but yeah, I do see the similarity.

I wrote in a comment on my first post that “I undrstand that there are a lot of cultural and personal reasons involved in choosing [male] circumcision, and I don’t feel like it’s my place to say.” So if I can so graciously back out of the debate when it comes to males, why can’t I do the same with females? To say that these girls aren’t educated about the pros and cons of the procedure, that they’re forced into it by their parents and their culture at a young and vulnerable age (usually at puberty), and that they therefore aren’t making informed consent doesn’t hold up, either, because the same can be said of male circumcision. Baby boys are absolutely, positively NOT making an informed decision when it comes to having their penises cut or not. It’s a decision that their parents are making for them for many different reasons, just as it’s a decision that the culture/ parents are making for the girls who are receiving female circumcision. And I ask again: what right do I have to step in to this decision-making process and tell someone that they’re wrong, or that this decision is wrong? I have no right whatsoever.

Now, before someone comes along and rips into me, let me just make this very very clear: I am not advocating female circumcision, nor am I advocating male circumcision. I am not condoning either practice, nor am I saying that they’re both fine and acceptable, and that they should continue unhindered. All I am saying is that it’s not my place to judge these practices, and it’s not my place to make these decisions. Since I’m not a member of a culture that practices female circumcision, the rich cultural context with which this practice resides is lost on me. The shame or humiliation someone of that culture might feel by not being circumcized and therefore not being a full participant of their culture is something I’m never going to be able to empathize with. And I am questioning whether it is right for our culture (Western culture) to go on huge “Stop Violence Against Women” campaigns in cultures which are not ours, in contexts which we don’t fully understand (and probably can never fully understand).

I do think that these practices need to stop. But I don’t think that the impetus for changing this is going to come from us (from the West), and I don’t think it should. If it’s going to change, it needs to come from within; from women and advocates who are of these cultures, who understand the context, who can see the patriarchy at work in such acts, and who want to rise up against it. And when they do, we as Westerners can and should support them with all of the resources our rich, privileged cultures afford us.

I guess the only sticking point I still have at this point is the following: if you’re a member of a culture, and if it’s all you know, and if you’re never exposed to anything else, you will never have the objectivity necessary to ever question or rise up against these practices that you have seen and been a part of since birth? And maybe that is where an organization can step in and offer education to members of these cultures; ideally, the education should come from members of the culture themselves. I think the folks over at RAINBO are on the right track, and if we as Westerners want to support the education of women (and therefore indirectly the hope that eventually these practices might stop), we can do this by supporting organizations like this.

As far as being a practitioner, the take-home lesson here is once again very simple, and very difficult to fully learn: LISTEN TO WOMEN, and DON’T JUDGE. How is it that I can see this so clearly on issues like abortion, where I absolutely, 100% feel that it is not my place to say, and that since I’m not carrying her baby or walking in her shoes, I have no right to judge at all….and yet issues like female circumcision still bring about huge, heaping amounts of judgement? As a white woman from a privileged background, I’ve been trying for awhile to own my privilege, and see the way that this affects my point of view on everything. This is a difficult, never-ending task, and while I feel that I’ve managed to own this on several more obvious issues, this is an issue I hadn’t even picked up on. I guess the ultimate, life-long goal for every evolving human soul is to continue to move towards a state of less and less judgement. To become as close to non-judgemental as you can possibly be. I say possibly, and “close to” because I think being non-judgemental is an impossible goal. Our psyche, our sense of self, our identities, our culture, our experiences and background and upbringing, everything we use to know ourselves as who we are–all of this is based on judgements which we have formed through living, judgements which we have consciously or unconsciously absorbed, and I think it’s impossible to seperate yourself from them. I am not using this as an excuse. Moving towards a more non-judgemental state requires very close and painful examination of those life experiences and background and upbringing and culture. It requires seeing the ways that your life experiences and culture has potentially prejudiced you, seeing the ways you are privileged, seeing the ways that power affects your identity–power you have, or don’t have, or have in some areas but not others. It requires seeing where you come from, seeing the way that this has formed your world view, and then seeing the way that this outlook affects how you see others. That’s a huge part of becoming less judgemental.

The LISTEN TO WOMEN and DON’T JUDGE take-home message means that all future encounters with women who have been circumcized will involve calling it circumcision, following her cues, and letting her talk or not talk about it, as she desires.

Anyway, those are my thoughts on this subject at this moment in time. Granted, I will continue to think, and I’m sure my thoughts will continue to evolve. I’d be really interested to hear what others think about this as well. It is a very sticky subject, and it’s not about to get any more clear any time soon.

The workshop I attended last week was great because it was very informative, low-key and discussion-centered, and I had a fantastic time talking with several other like-minded women, mothers and doulas and learning new ways to help women make their pregnancy more meaningful. Blessingways are a traditional Native American custom that celebrates motherhood, and the transition from maiden to mother. It’s a term I’d never heard before, but something that captured my interest immediately. A blessingway takes the emphasis away from the baby and baby-related stuff, and puts the emphasis instead on the woman and her journey into motherhood. We ended up discussing and brainstorming a lot of amazing blessingways by the end of the workshop, and I wanted to share a few of my favorites here.

1) Instead of baby gifts, have each of your friends bring a bead to your blessingway instead. Let each of them explain their wish or hope for the mother, birth and baby, and then ritually string all of the beads together afterwards. This becomes a powerful, physical symbol of love and support which the mother can then wear while she’s in labor, or hold or count or squeeze during a contraction.

2) Have all of the guests and the mother sit in a circle with a large skein of wool or thread. Each participant can take turns tying the thread around their wrists, and then tossing the skein of wool to someone else across from them in the circle without cutting it. Eventually, as everyone ties the thread around their wrists and tosses it to someone else in the circle, a large tangle of thread develops in the center. After everyone has tied their wrist, pull your wrists back, and the thread will stretch and coalesce into a visible web. This web is the physical manifestation of the love and support that surrounds the mother. Afterwards, everyone can keep the thread tied around their wrist and wear it until the woman delivers, as a token of support and a physical reminder that they’re still connected and thinking of her.

3) At the end of the shower, send all of the guests home with a candle, and have them light the candle as soon as they hear that the woman has gone into labor. The image of lighted candles in the homes of her friends will be a comfort while the woman labors, and the lighted candle will keep the woman in the thoughts of her friends, who will be wishing her well and sending her positive energy.

4) Have the guests decorate a cup for the woman (there are many different ways to do this—be creative). Then, sit in a circle with individual cups of juice or water, and pass the decorated cup around. As each of the guests receives the decorated cup, they can make a toast or a wish to the mother for her health, her pregnancy, her labor, the baby, etc. etc., and then pour some of the juice from their own cup into the decorated cup. At the end of the ritual, the woman will drink all of the juice in the full decorated cup as a way of taking in all of the good wishes of her friends. When she’s in labor, she can use the special, decorated cup as her own personal cup, which will remind her of her friends and their love and support, and keep her hydrated at the same time (women in labor need to drink a lot, and this is a good way to remind them to do so).

5) At the start of the woman’s pregnancy, have several close friends get together to bless and celebrate the pregnancy. People can take turns tying 9 knots in a cord, and pouring their love and hopes for a healthy pregnancy into each knot. The woman then gets to keep the cord during her pregnancy, with the knots as a physical reminder of love and health and blessing for the baby. At the end of the pregnancy, she can untie all of the knots herself, as a way of preparing or showing that she’s ready to go into labor and deliver her baby.

6) Decorate and pamper the mother. Instead of giving her gifts, give her a foot or hand or back massage (or all three!). Rub her belly with coco butter. Make a belly mask or paint a gorgeous henna tattoo on the woman’s belly. Braid and stroke the woman’s hair. Fill her with relaxation and joy and love, and help her to feel safe, loved and secure.

Two books were recommended in this workshop. I haven’t had a chance to read them myself, yet, but I thought I’d pass them on here, just in case you’re interested:

Mother Rising: The Blessingway Journey into Motherhood

Welcoming Ways: Creating Your Baby’s Welcome Ceremony With the Wisdom of World Traditions

Birth is an awe-inspiring thing. It’s one of the few moments in a person’s life when the constructs of our reality crack wide open and we come face to face with Divinity, in whatever form that takes for us. It’s miraculous. It always has been. Despite all of our technological advancements and NICUs and amniocentesis and IVF, we still don’t truly know why it works, or how it happens. Sometimes babies who shouldn’t be alive live; sometimes babies who look perfectly healthy and medically sound die. There is so much of it which is still out of our hands, and which will always be out of our hands.

I have always been fascinated by myth and folklore, by the roots of things, and where things come from. Naturally, other culture’s myths and birth stories and legends are a treasure trove for someone like me. So, a friend and I put together a list of the Gods, Goddesses and Saints which people have been turning to for centuries to guide them through labor and bring a live, squalling baby into their arms. I know of several modern women who have drawn solace and support and strength from these ancient Goddessses. Who knows: perhaps these Gods and Goddesses are watching over us still.

Hathor (Egypt) Hathor was the protectress of woman and pregnancy. She was sometimes also considered, in some areas, a midwife. Hathor was most often depicted as a cow and she was said to have nourished the mortals with her milk.

Hera (Greece) The Queen of the gods, Hera presided over all things feminine. She was specifically interested in those things dealing with maternity and marriage.

Artemis (Greece) Even though Artemis was a maiden Goddess (i.e. a virgin), she was still called upon to protect and defend women during childbirth, perhaps because of her fierce strength and feminine prowess.

Juno Lucina (Roman) Another face of Juno, Juno Lucina had a dual role. She protected pregnant woman as well as births, bringing the child into the light.

Pukkeenegak (Eskimo) Feminine goddess who was supposed to give children to the Eskimo women.

Uma (India) Her primary function was female-ness in all forms, particularly active ones like childbirth. Sri-Laksmi, the Lotus Goddess, should also not be forgotten—although her fertility aspects often get buried in requests for monetary wealth nowadays, her power over fertility and abundance is even older than Uma’s, and outstrips her connection with material wealth by a millenia.

Isis (Egypt) One of the most important female deities, Isis was the protectress of motherhood, healer of the sick, and protectress of women. She also rules over magic. Sick with grief concerning the murder of her husband Osiris by his brother Set, Isis reconstructed and reanimated his corpse long enough for it to impregnate her with their only son Horus.

Juno Sospita (Roman) Another responsibility of Juno Sospita was to preside over labor and delivery.

St. Anne (Roman Catholic) Patron saint of women in labor.

St. Margaret (Roman Catholic) Patron saint of women giving birth.

St. Monica (Roman Catholic) Patron saint of mothers.

Serket (Egypt) Serket was the scorpion headed goddess. She often assisted during childbirth and protected the pregnant Isis from her evil brother-in-law Set.

Aveta (Romano-Celtic Gallic) Goddess of birth and midwifery.

Eileithyia. (Greek) Female Goddess of childbirth.

Lucena. (Spanish) ‘Illumination’. Light. Mythological Roman goddess of childbirth and giver of first light to newborns. Also refers to Mary as Lady of the Light.

Lucina. (German) ‘Illumination.’ Mythological Roman goddess of childbirth and giver of first light to newborns. Also refers to Mary as Lady of the Light.

Lucinna. (Latin) ‘Illumination.’ Mythological Roman goddess of childbirth and giver of first light to newborns. Also refers to Mary as Lady of the Light.

Nascio. (Latin) Goddess of childbirth.

Nixi. (Latin) Goddesses who helped with childbirth.

Numeria. (Latin) Goddesses who helped with childbirth.

Shasti. (India) Goddess of childbirth.