While researching this on the internet, I’ve stumbled upon some fascinating information which flies in the face of conventional wisdom.  Conventional wisdom suggests that kegel exercises are the answer to this sort of pelvic floor weakening problem, and in fact they’re what I have been doing primarily, and have been teaching my patients how to do for years now.  Kegels, kegels, kegels!  However, after reading this amazing post over on MamaSweat where Kara Thom of MamaSweat interviews Katy Bowman of Aligned and Well, I am beginning to change my mind.  Katy is a biomechanical scientist who has done a lot of research into the mechanics of the pelvic floor, and in her radical departure from conventional wisdom, she suggests that squats are the answer rather than kegels.  Naturally, rocking the boat like this has brought with it a bit of a back lash, including this hilarious video aimed at Katy from the “Kegel Queen” (an RN who also believes highly in the merits of kegels); even a year after the initial interview, the debate is still alive and well.

So in addition to kegels, I’ve decided to add some squats to the mix, and I’m even squatting and peeing in the shower each morning (apologize for the potential TMI right there, loyal readers!).  There are also some pretty cool exercise systems out there which can be purchased, as well as physical therapists who specialize in nothing but the pelvic floor, so I’ll keep all of you posted on pelvic progress 6 months from now.  But I’m also a firm believer in sexercises, too!

1. Subscriptions

One of the most important (and hardest) parts of being a midwife is staying current with the latest research and information that’s coming down the pipeline.  While medical journals themselves are very expensive, they’re often a treasure trove of information that’s well worth reading.  If you’re a CNM/ CM, membership in the ACNM automatically brings the Journal of Midwifery and Women’s Health to your doorstep every quarter.  However, if you’re midwife is not a member of the ACNM, getting her a subscription to this journal could be a lovely gift.  If you really want to splurge (and/or if your midwife is an avid reader of medical research), then go straight to Midirs Midwifery Digest, which is England’s premiere midwifery publication, and really is a treat.  They will ship internationally, of course, although it’s a bit pricey.  I had a subscription for a year, and I loved it!  It’s such a breath of fresh air to read actual midwifery research, as opposed to OB research which happens to be applicable to midwives.  And of course there’s Midwifery Today, which is like candy to any birth-enthusiast.  The birth stories are truly inspirational, and Midwifery Today, much more so than the more academic journals, really captures the heart and soul of being a midwife.

If you’re looking for something more along the lines of a subscription for your favorite feminist, then I’d highly recommend Bust magazine.

2. Vulva Puppets

When I first discovered these AMAZING VULVA PUPPETS back in 2006 I very nearly wet myself with excitement.  Since that time, my vulva-puppet lust has been put on a back-burner (due in part to the hefty pricetag, which might make this gift somewhat impractical in a recession year), but I still think that this is cadillac of midwifery gifts, gauranteed to absolutely floor your midwife and send her (or him) into paroxysms of joy.  Just look at how beautiful they are—such a special, fitting tribute to the power and wonder and mystery of the vulva.  The Vulva Puppet Gallery has changed slightly; some of my personal favorite vulva puppets are now under the Limited Editions Gallery (which only works if you click on the color links, rather than the Goddess/Continent links).  These puppets will make an amazing gift for your midwife, particularly at a special juncture in her/his life, such as graduation, a new job, opening a private practice, retirement etc. etc.

3. Birth Secret, by Brian Andreas

I found this print in a gallery in Woodstock, NY, two days before our wedding, and I bought it on the spot.  It’s now become my go-to gift for all of the midwives in my life (and trust me, there are plenty of them), for birthdays or holidays or whenever you want to give someone something special.  The text reads: “In my dream he told me to hold the secret of his birth safe and teach him when he forgot”.  This artwork is perfect for the walls of your midwife’s office or clinic or home.

4. Books

I’m sure Spiritual Midwifery is already on your midwife’s bookshelf, so before purchasing books for your midwife, I first suggest that you puruse their bookshelf to ascertain what they do and do not already own.  Barring that, here are a few interesting and less obvious suggestions:

Pleasure reading:

The Birth House: A Novel

Baby Catcher: Chronicles of a Modern Midwife

A Midwife’s Story

A Midwife’s Tale: The Life of Martha Ballard, Based on Her Diary, 1785-1812
Educational/ Informative:

Misconceptions: Truth, Lies, and the Unexpected on the Journey to Motherhood

Heart & Hands: A Midwife’s Guide to Pregnancy & Birth

Recreating Motherhood

The Technology of Orgasm: “Hysteria,” the Vibrator, and Women’s Sexual Satisfaction (Johns Hopkins Studies in the History of Technology)

5. Jewelry

This might somewhat uphold the stereotype of the hippie midwife with the dangling goddess earrings, but if your midwife is that type of gal, then there’s some great stuff over on Attachments which fits that description.

And that’s pretty much all I can think of for now, although if anyone else has any other great suggestions, please let me know!

However, I have since gotten hitched (hands down one of the best days of my life, and well worth all the effort), the wedding planning is now over (hooray!), and I feel like I have more time on my hands again.  What does one do with more time on her hands??  Oh yes! Contemplate all things midwifery-and-women’s-health-care related, and try to write something snappy and insightful about said contemplations.  Excellent!  Hello again, blogosphere!  I have missed you.

I am pleased to announce that I do indeed have a job. It’s at the hospital in Brooklyn where I did my intrapartum clinical rotation as a student, and was definitely my first choice. I had a fantastic time there as a student, and I’m really excited to begin to work there as a midwife. The staff is lovely, the midwifery director is a real leader who’s not afraid to stand up for her midwives, there seems to be a large amount of respect and comraderie between the doctors and midwives (although I’m sure there is the usual amount of tension and politics, as there is everywhere), and the practice itself is strong and growing, and very unique. Unlike many of the other hospitals in New York City which employ midwives, this hospital doesn’t have any medical residents, and it doesn’t have any private clients coming in with their attending doctors. All of the women who deliver there are seen by the staff midwives and doctors in the clinic, and are delivered by those same midwives and doctors at the hospital. Because it’s a very busy hospital, and because there are no residents, I’ll be getting an incredible amount of experience, and seeing and managing all kinds of things I probably wouldn’t be exposed to in other hospitals where there are residents. Another great feature of this hospital is the fact that there are always two midwives working during every labor and delivery shift, so I’ll never be working alone and there will always be another experienced midwife on the floor to use as a resource. As a new midwife, this means that I’ll get to learn from other midwives, instead of just from other doctors, and I’ll always have someone on the floor who shares my midwifery philosophy and viewpoint, which will probably make it a lot easier to resist pressure from others (i.e. doctors) to start pitocin, or break a woman’s membranes for no good reason etc. etc. And did I mention how fabulous the women themselves are? They’re an incredibly vibrant and lovely population: Hispanic and Polish women mostly, with Haitian, West Indian, African American, Indian and Bengladeshi women as well—you know, just your typical New York melting pot.

Sounds great, right? Well, I wish I could tell you more about how it’s going, but by far the biggest drawback so far has been the fact that my job hasn’t started yet. I was supposed to start in early September, but it’s late September now, and I still don’t have a start date. The problem apparently stems from that fact that this Brooklyn hospital has recently switched over to being a subsidiary (or some similar reciprocal arrangement like that) of a larger Manhattan hospital, and that this means that many of the Brooklyn hospital employees are now being paid by the Manhattan hospital…and let’s just say that it’s become clear that all the bumps in this transition have not yet been worked out. Since the switch happened on August 1st, I am actually one of the first new hires since then, and while I am apparently approved and credentialed at the Brooklyn hospital, I can’t start yet because I have not fully satisfied all of the requirements for approval at the Manhattan hospital. Which needs to be done, since ultimatley my paycheck will be paid by the Manhattan hospital, even though I’ll be working in Brooklyn. Last I heard, I may still need to interview with HR and/or the Nursing Department at the Manhattan hospital, but they’re still trying to figure out if this step is necessary or not. I must admit, this has gotten incredibly frustrating over the last few weeks. I keep waiting to be told where to go or who to call to set up an interview (which I am more than happy to do, if that’s what it’ll take for me to get a start date), but no one can tell me who I need to get in touch with, or what the procedure is for getting my application rubber-stamped. It seems to me like somehow I got caught in the middle of a political power struggle between these two hospitals. The Brooklyn hospital probably wants the freedom to hire whomever they want and start them when they want, and the Manhattan hospital wants the new hires of the Brooklyn hospital to follow their protocols and jump through their hoops instead, and it just seems like an awful lot of red tape that needs to be processed. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that hopefully after a month of being aware of this problem, and after nearly a month of people in the higher echelons of both hospital administrations working to sort this out (I actually had a phone call with the Executive VP of the Brooklyn Hospital last week), hopefully, hopefully some kind of compromise or approval process or something can be worked out soon, so that this eager new midwife (yours truly) can actually start her most excellent new job. Please keep your fingers crossed. I already double-checked: Mercury is NOT in retrograde, although all of these communication snafus would certainly suggest otherwise.

Which brings me to BellyTales.com. Since I’m no longer a student, it seemed silly to continue to maintain this site as studentmidwife.org. I switched it over to BellyTales.com (or, more precisely, my beloved boy with his mad computer skills did). All of my old posts are still there, nothing has changed, but now I intend to chronicle my adventures as a new midwife, instead of as a student. At least, I intend to chronicle my adventures, just as soon as my job starts. And now that I have internet again after a nearly two-month dry-spell (the story of how we finally got cable internet from Time Warner after 5 prior installation attempts is a saga which will thankfully go unsung at this moment), I will hopefully be online and posting again a lot more often. So huzzah. Life in the blogosphere begins again.

Where do I start?

Well, I took the AMCB board exam on June 29th, and I passed (!!!!).  I am now a Certified Nurse Midwife!  I still have to get my certification number from the ACNM, my license number from the State of New York, and my DEA number from the federal government so that I can prescribe controlled substances, but that’s all just a matter of bureacratic cake at this point (a bunch of applications to fill out, and to get notarized, and fees to pay etc.).  The most important, amazing thing is that I’m a midwife.  Hold on.  Let me say that again.  I’m a midwife!!  AAAAAAHHH, I’m a midwife!!!!  When I got the print-out at the testing center telling me that I had passed, I just stood there for a moment holding it while my eyes welled up with tears.  It was a very incredible feeling.  I thought that was pretty much as good as it could get.

My birthday was the next day, June 30th.  I was turning 30.  I was all set to celebrate with my beloved boy, who had been planning some kind of surprise for awhile, but he wouldn’t tell me what.  I was looking forward to celebrating my 30th birthday AND being a midwife on the same day.  We went out to brunch the morning of my birthday and he asked me what I wanted to do that day.  I asked him what he had planned, because I knew he’d planned something, but he wanted to hear my ideas first.  So I suggested we get our picnic blanket and hang out in Prospect Park for awhile (it was a gorgeous day) and then maybe go shopping, or stroll around SoHo for awhile, and then go out to eat at a nice restaurant.  Sounded like a lovely birthday to me.  He told me he didn’t want to do any of that.  I said: what?  Why not?  He said he wanted to go to Rome.

What?

We’re going to Rome

Rome, as in Italy??

You’re taking me to Rome for my birthday??  Is this for real?

Yes.  Yes it was.  Our flight was leaving at 8 pm, we had to buy a few toiletries and then pack and head out to the airport.  I was absolutely aghast.  I stuttered like a fish.  I couldn’t believe it.  I was so excited!!  I’ve ALWAYS wanted to go to Italy, and I’ve never had an opportunity to do so before.  I was thrilled!

So, we walked up the street after brunch to the drug store to get some shampoo and sunscreen and little bottles to fit in those annoying plastic bags for airport security, and then, as we were strolling back to our apartment, strolling down our beautiful, tree-lined street on a gorgeous, sunny day, he all of a sudden got down on one knee and said something like: you’ve always known that I couldn’t take you to Italy without asking you to marry me, so, will you marry me?

!!!!

(No, I’m not making this up.  This is really how it happened.)

STUNNED doesn’t even begin to cover it.  I have a hard time remembering the exact moment, actually, because I was in such a state of shock.  My heart was racing at about 130 bpm.  He was holding this ring out towards me that looked like a piece of the sun, it was glittering so brightly, and I just stood there like an idiot.  He finally had to say something like: well, are you going to put the ring on or just stare at it?  GAH!

So, we went to Rome!  We had an amazing time!  I’m 30 years old!  I’m a midiwfe! I’m engaged to be married!  I didn’t think it was possible to be this incredibly happy.  Honestly, at what point do you just explode from happiness???  Seriously.

At some point in the not too distant future, I will come back down to earth, and start to write about midwifery issues again.  I know that lately this blog has gotten very personal, just sort of following my own personal adventures with very little commentary or news or updates on any of the larger issues going on, and that’s a shame, because there’s a lot going on.  There’s a lot to say.  I’m working on a report on the safety of birth centers at the moment, which I will post here as soon as I’m done with it, and of course there is the upcoming job search to write about, and the fabulous book I just read, and the student statement from that ACNM convention, and the latest news….this will be a real, working blog again soon, I promise.  For the moment, though, I can’t seem to concentrate on anything.  I just keep floating off into space, working hard to keep myself from exploding from sheer happiness.  This is really my life???

Yes.  Yes it is.